


One Weird Fact

by NotRyanRoss



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, Music RPF, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Humor, M/M, Public Hand Jobs, Tumblr, frank iero is annoying and that deserves a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-09
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-06-01 04:43:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6501280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotRyanRoss/pseuds/NotRyanRoss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anonymous Asked mfuckinw4y: did you know when hippos are upset their sweat turns red?<br/>In which Mikey Way is successfully wooed by a Tumblr anon with too many weird facts in his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Weird Fact

-[1] New Ask-

Anonymous Asked _mfuckinw4y_ :  
did you know when hippos are upset their sweat turns red?

_mfuckinw4y_ Replied:   
i did not thank you anon  
looking forward to next weeks fact xxxmway

###

[1] Message from _iamagraveyard_

**iamagraveyard** : ppl r stll msgng u usng asks? jst cm up on my dash  
LAME  
L A M E  
ur fllwrs r lame lk u

**mfuckinw4y** : fuck a duck frank  
and learn some decent fucking grammar  
anyway it's just the one person i think

**iamagraveyard** : sum1 u kno?  
thyve bn msging u fr mnths now  
is it ur hot brthr?

**mfuckinw4y** : its not gerard  
i dont know who it is  
and stop hitting on my brother its creepy you barely know him

**iamagraveyard** : iv seen enough  
wlked in on him chnging 1nce  
v nice v nice   
10/10 built lk a fckin horse  
neigh 8==D

_mfuckinw4y_ has blocked _iamagraveyard_

_mfuckinw4y_ was unblocked _iamagraveyard_

**iamagraveyard** : u hv no1 els 2 tlk 2 mikeyway u hv 2 luv me

**mfuckinw4y** : i dont love your shitty fucking spelling  
anyway  
give me the answers to the damn bio test

###

Mikey lounged in the back of the classroom, tie a long strip dangling from his neck. He didn't know how to tie it, didn't need to. It wasn't like the teachers gave a shit and neither did he, really. He hated school with an earnest passion, hated the way it took everything he enjoyed doing and twisted it into reasons he wasn't good enough for the rest of the world. They were in the middle of 'learning to create a website' (because _that_ would be useful, sure) and Mikey hated it with the fire of a thousand hells because he had tried so hard for this fucking IT class and it just made him feel like he'd never be good enough. Just a few scratches on a page had ruined him.

"Mister Wentz, care to explain why you're thirty minutes late?"

"Sorry, won't happen again, Mister Goddard," Pete Wentz muttered to the teacher as he dropped down in the seat in front of Mikey with a thump.

If Mikey breathed in deeply enough he could still smell the faint scent of weed coming from Wentz's hoodie. It must be nice to be best friends with Trohman and get all that shit for free- Mikey couldn't even pay for his internet connection half the time. And he needed his internet to accumulate more followers on Tumblr, because how else would you interact with people? He had four thousand followers and counting just from his original posts and it was a high like no other.

Mikey inhaled again, loud enough that the girl next to him glared. He rolled his eyes at her dismissively, and when he turned back to see what atrocities were on the blackboard, he caught a hint of dark eyes rimmed with eyeliner before Pete turned his head back.

Huh.

Weird.

###

-[1] New Ask-

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
sea otters hold each others hands while they sleep!

_mfuckingw4y_ Replied:  
cool but why  
also r u ever gonna come off of anon  
xxxmway

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
so they don't float away  
and no

###

[1] Message From _iamagraveyard_

**iamagraveyard** : i nvr gt any msgs! fk u

**mfuckingw4y** : you have like two followers of course you have no asks

**iamagraveyard** : hv u figrd out who tht anon is?

**mfuckingw4y** : no

**iamagraveyard** : u prbly snd tht shit 2 urself

**mfuckingw4y** : i do not frank u asshole

**iamagraveyard** : rly  
wll who is it thn

**mfuckingw4y** : i dunno

###

When Mikey strode into literature to pick up Frank, by some coincidence he tripped over Pete Wentz. It wasn't graceful, or romantic, or even painless. He'd been texting Bob when he went in the doorway and Wentz had been going out and they'd collided and fallen to the shitty carpet. Mikey's legs had tangled up in his and when he opened his eyes his gaze met Pete's immediately.

Funny. His eyes weren't just brown, they sort of caught the light and Mikey could see separate flecks of gold and green shining in them. Their faces were maybe an inch away and Mikey could feel Wentz's breath against his lips and refrained from shivering. It didn't help that their crotches were aligned and neither wore anything but skintight jeans that could have been painted on. It probably should have been awkward seen as he was laying on this guy, but...

Mikey blinked and Wentz went bright red, scrambling out from under him and disappearing before Mikey could exhale.

"Ooh, Mikeyway, right out of a bad romance," Frank teased, wandering over to tap Mikey's forehead with the corner of _Othello_. "Be careful making the beast with two backs, black ram."

"I don't understand your weird old porn references," Mikey grumbled, getting up. "And I don't understand Pete Wentz."

"It's weird that he never talks to you, you both have weird eyeliner fetishes and skinny jeans- you're practically the same person," Frank agreed.

Mikey grunted and Frank laughed, pushed up on his toes to press a sloppy kiss to Mikey's cheek.

###

-[1] New Ask-

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
shakespeare's father got paid to drink beer!

_mfuckingw4y_ Replied:  
i did not know that   
i want that job  
xxxmway

###

[1] Message From _iamagraveyard_

**iamagraveyard** : ur admirer fkd up

**mfuckingw4y** : why is ur writing so bad when ur in lit

**iamagraveyard** : X ACTLY  
im in lit whr we lrn abt SHAKESPEARE  
we lrnt tht fact IN LIT

**mfuckingw4y** :   
might be a coincidence frank dont jizz ur pants over it

**iamagraveyard** : more lk jzz ur brthrs pants  
bc i am in ur house  
nd i am gnna bone g

**mfuckingw4y** : fuck you you disgusting little elf

**iamagraveyard** : more lyk fk gerard

_mfuckingw4y_ has blocked _iamagraveyard_

###

"I heard your weird fact anon is in Frankie's literature class!"

Mikey barely looked up at Gerard, trying to convey his brother sucked without stopping the inhalation of his Lucky Charms. The noises from the basement had only stopped extremely early in the morning, and now both Gerard and Frank were wiped from existence. In Mikey's head, at least. It didn't seem to be working as well in the real world. He finally let out the heaviest sigh he could muster and looked up at Gerard, trying not to acknowledge the fact the oldest Way was in Batman boxers and a dirty Anthrax hoodie and nothing else. Gerard didn't look embarrassed, just earnestly interested.

"He might be," Mikey said.

"This is so cool! What if it's someone that has a crush on you?"

Mikey answered with a noncommittal grunt and shifted so Gerard was more comfortable with his head in Mikey's lap. He rolled over so they were at least looking at each other and grinned, wide and happy with his hair plastered to his face from grease and sweat. Mikey's eyebrows lifted in a way that was intended to convey indignation but Gerard just giggled as Frank wandered up from the basement. He was even less dressed than Gerard; and that was way more of Frank Iero than Mikey had ever wanted to see. Honestly he'd rather talk about Tumblr now.

"Panties," Frank sang out, flopping on the couch next to them.

Mikey didn't look.

"I wonder what kind of panties Mikey's anon wears," Gerard said thoughtfully, and Mikey pushed him off the couch with a thump.

###

-[1] New Ask-

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
the twentyninth of may is officially put a pillow on your fridge day!

_mfuckingw4y_ Answered:  
that's tomorrow right  
game on   
xxxmway

###

[1] Message From _VampG2001_

**VampG2001** : Hey are you coming downstairs???  
Frankie and I are watching Return of the Jedi again  
We have popcorn :D

**mfuckingw4y** : nah  
seeing frank naked the first time was bad enough

**VampG2001** : Okay.  
Well...he is naked, so you have a point :,)

**mfuckingw4y** : called it

**VampG2001** : Also,  
Were you the one that put my Doom Patrol pillow on the fridge?

**mfuckingw4y** : that was at one am   
shut up

**VampG2001** : Are we going to leave it there? Does it have some kind of purpose?

**mfuckingw4y** : the pillows staying on the fridge, g

**VampG2001** : It's okay, Frank told me about your fact anon. Is this how you serenade him?

**mfuckingw4y** : g please

**VampG2001** : Frankie said he'd lick my toes if I didn't ask   
MY TOES, MIKEY D:

**mfuckingw4y** : neither of you are allowed to speak to me ever again

###

"...and now I have a pillow. A fucking pillow, on my fridge. He's a fucking weirdo, man," Andy Hurley said. "Why do we keep him around?"

Joe Trohman shrugged. "I think it's just how he is, y'know. But he's cool."

Mikey didn't lift his eyes from Frank's stolen copy of Othello, didn't give away any sort of interest in their conversation. They were sitting in front of him and facing the board, so it wasn't particularly hard, but still. He pushed his glasses up his nose and tried not to eavesdrop too obviously. Hurley was a jock, and Trohman was the school's drug dealer, so they probably had a huge friends circle, plenty of people who knew about that particular event that occured today.

"A cool weirdo?" Andy laughs.

"He's...yeah, okay," Trohman agrees. "He just knows all this random stuff, you know?"

"Yeah," Hurley said.

Mikey turned the page idly and stared down at the book without really reading it. He honestly hadn't been interested in his anonymous fact giver: he'd been receiving them weekly since the start of the year, he liked them. And he could appreciate someone wanting to hide their identity from him- no one wanted to be friends with the Way brothers if they didn't want to be pinned as freaks, but it sounded like this guy was already weird enough. And the temptation...well...

He unlocked his Sidekick and texted Lindsey Ballato.

###

-[1] New Ask-

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
the mating ritual between flatworms is called penis fencing!

_mfuckingw4y_ Replied:  
i like penis fencing too  
xxxmway

###

[1] Message From iamagraveyard

**iamagraveyard** : so  
were u gnna tl ur brthr tht ur gay fr an anon

**mfuckingw4y** : no  
and if you tell him youre dead frank  
so fucking dead

**iamagraveyard** : ilu2 moikey  
als  
ur hair strgtnr scks blls

**mfuckingw4y** : get out of my fucking bathroom frank

**iamagraveyard** : ggJdnfhfuHHHNES

**mfuckingw4y** : was that screech you  
did u fucking burn urself on my hair straightener

###

"Andy Hurley, Joe Trohman, Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz," Lindsey Ballato said as she sat across from Mikey and swung one leg high enough that he could see her underwear. They were in the deserted cafeteria  (it was probably deserted because it was halfway through second period) and somehow Lindsey had managed to procure a banana from nowhere. Mikey didn't want to know where she'd been keeping it. She peeled it delicately and took a bite with enough relish that he was considering covering his own banana protectively.

"Just the four?"

"Yeah, you'd think they'd be really popular seen as three out of four are jocks, but they stick to their group."

"Hm."

"Yeah, Stump's the odd one out."

"Patrick Stump?"

"Yeah. The others are jocks. Huge friends circle, y'know? Stump's an artist."

Mikey was pretty sure they were in the same gym class. While he just skipped when he didn't feel like it, Stump had a habit of just feigning injury. They'd never spoken outside of the odd schoolwork question when they'd been sat together last year. When Mikey thought of him he had vague recollections of too many hats and smears of gold paint. He was pretty sure Patrick Stump had a tumblr, usually the arty types did.

"Honestly, I thought you'd be more interested in Pete, he seems more your type," Lindsey said with a smirk.

"Pete...Wentz."

"Who else?"

Because that one, Mikey _did_ know a lot about. He knew about the scent of weed and expensive deodorant, about messy black fingernails. About that ridiculous braying laugh Mikey had heard once in his life at a party and held onto ever since. About those bright eyes and the flat-ironed hair. About delicate yet solid legs soft under Mikey's, a rapid heartbeat against his ribs. About Pete Wentz, because of course he liked Pete Wentz, everyone liked him. Mikey was just another cliche.

But he didn't _know_ , he didn't.

"It's just a coincidence," he muttered to himself.

Lindsey shrugged. "If you hook up with them, you won't have to hear the threesome we have planned in Gerard's basement."

" _Ugh_."

###

-[1] New Ask-

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
arab women can ask for a divorce if their husbands refuse to pour coffee for them!

mfuckingw4y Replied:  
id be asking for a divorce too if that happened  
will u pour my coffee for me  
xxxmway

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
i'd pour you all the coffee you wanted.

mfuckingw4y Replied:  
we could meet up and you could do that  
xxxmway

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
no.

###

[1] Message From _VampG2001_

**VampG2001** : Hey Mikes,   
Do you actually like this guy? :0

**mfuckingw4y** : no one said that  
also were in the same room you lazy fuck

**VampG2001** : You do, don't you?  
You've been charmed by their weirdness!   
What a story to tell the nieces and nephews!

**mfuckingw4y** : even if i did figure out who he was  
he still doesnt want to talk irl  
it feels like hes lording his anonymity over me

**VampG2001** : Aww, Mikey.   
He wouldn't talk to you every week if he didn't like you D:  
Wait.  
He???  
Mikey do you know who they are??  
Oh. My. God.   
Tell me now you fucker!!

_mfuckingw4y_ has blocked _VampG2001_

###

Mikey wasn't hovering outside the music room for any particular reason, it was just close to the microwave they'd installed. He wanted to heat up this crappy excuse for a burger, inhale it in one go, drink a bottle of tequila and pass out. Make all his responsibilities fade in a haze of alcohol and really crappy dance music. But, of course, it was only a fucking Thursday. He hadn't mean to overhear it.

"Fuck's sake, Pete," Patrick said in a loud, exasperated voice.

"I'm so sorry that I've offended you, my lord," Pete snapped right back.

There was a long moment of silence that meant Mikey could almost feel Stump's shock. Even through the door he could feel the apprehension, and the tension. Clearly Wentz wasn't usually the yelling type. Something had him all worked up, and that kind of gossip was far more interesting than an old burger. He sidled up against the door, trying to look subtle but probably failing as he heard a sigh from behind the mahogany.

"I'm sorry, Trick," Pete said miserably. "I just...I'm not good enough for him. I'm all messed up."

"Pretty sure he is too," Patrick answered dryly. "Anyway, I think at this point we can guess he's interested in you, too, despite the shit way you told him."

"He still doesn't know it's me. He probably doesn't know who I am, even."

Patrick's snort of derision was loud. "Everyone knows who you are."

Mikey let his lips curl into a smile.

###

-[1] New Ask-

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
8000 americans get injured by musical instruments each year!

_mfuckingw4y_ Replied:  
so that piano falling on people thing actually happens  
also at least give me a hint for your identity  
xxxmway

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
why would i give you a hint?  
three percent of water from glaciers in penguin urine!

_mfuckingw4y_ Replied:  
two facts in one hour wow  
maybe because i want to actually know u  
xxxmway

Anonymous Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
you really don't want that at all.

_mfuckingw4y_ Replied:   
yes i do

###

[1] Message From _b00b_ - _Bryar_

**b00b** - **Bryar** : damn hes nt gvng u nythng is he

**mfuckingw4y** : give poor bob his computer back  
also  
nice stealth username change do u think he'll notice you changed it

**b00b** - **Bryar** : i dd it lk 2 wks ago  
so no

**mfuckingw4y** : whatever  
i think i know who it is anyway

**iamagraveyard** : u gnna tlk 2 thm irl? cnfrnt thm?

**mfuckingw4y** : no  
im more into forcing a response from him

**b00b** - **Bryar** : wht ds tht  
HREY  
HDDBANAODNDBD  
Akdnf  
SjJjhBDBD  
FUCKING FRANK IS DEAD WE'LL TALK ABOUT YOUR STALKER LATER WAY

###

"Are you seriously doing the exact same thing that he did to you?"

Mikey didn't even look at Gerard, he was too busy scrolling through the blog. _Clandestine_. Unusual url, but it was kind of...cool. He liked it. There wasn't much of a title, or any indication of the author's identity, but Mikey strongly doubted Patrick Stump's blog would have a black and pink theme. Not to mention the metal screaming in the background. He'd found it mixed in amongst his other followers, most of which were porn blogs or people from school, and this had been the clear odd one out. Except maybe that blog with everything on it... _needtostopchangingmydamnurl_. But that was just some weirdo online. _Clandestine_ , on the other hand...

"Yes," Mikey said finally. "That's exactly what I'm going to do."

Gerard sighed.

"It'll work," Mikey said confidently.

"Sure," Gerard said. "Can I have my computer back now?"

"No. Frank stole mine to watch porn."

" _Wh_ \- why does he need porn?"

"It's Frank."

###

-[3] New Asks-

_mfuckingw4y_ Asked _Clandestine_ :  
hitlers mother was considering abortion but the doctor convinced her not to

_mfuckingw4y_ Asked _Clandestine_ :  
if you wanted to bone you couldve asked

_mfuckingw4y_ Asked _Clandestine_ :  
i researched more facts i can tell you them all in person

###

[1] New Message From _Clandestine_

**Clandestine** : what the fuck?

**mfuckingw4y** : hey pete wentz  
wanna go get starbucks tomorrow   
drinks on me

_Clandestine_ has blocked _mfuckingw4y_

###

Mikey wasn't expecting to be pinned against a locker the minute he entered the school, but it was a nice surprise nonetheless. He banged his head on a locker, nearly dropped his phone, not to mention the raised knee that had nearly taken out his dick. But then he looked up from the denim-covered knee brushing his balls and he decided he really didn't care.

"No one asks people out on _Tumblr_ ," Pete said with a hint of anger as his fists wound tightly in Mikey's hoodie. Smeakered feet stood on top of his boots unceremoniously and then there were warm lips against his with a hint of roughness and Mikey melted into it with a sigh against Pete's hot mouth.

He could hear cheering in the background, (fucking nosy Frank, the fucker) but he was far more interested in the way Pete was biting at his bottom lip and the way a denim-covered thigh was bracketing his own, warm and lightly muscled. He could feel Pete's dick against his and couldn't resist the needy noise that escaped from his throat. He'd been waiting so fucking _long_ for this, he couldn't help the way his hips jerked suddenly. It didn't help that Pete was making these _noises_ , half-grunt and half-moan noises that should have been illegal. He shouldn't have been this wired when just making out, but judging by Pete's reaction he wasn't the only one.

" _Mister Wentz_ , _Mister Way_ , that kind of conduct is _not_ permitted in the halls."

Pete made a displeased noise against his mouth and slid his fingers under Mikey's waistband, scratching his nails along the skin. _That_ was all the flavours of hot so Mikey hoisted him up and carried him into the music room, much to the chagrin of the teacher. The woman couldn't really tell them off when she was locked outside anyway. Mikey didn't pay her much attention; he was more focused on not dropping Pete, who wrapped his legs around Mikey helpfully. Mikey flattened his hands on Pete's round ass and stumbled over to a desk, sitting him down on it.

"Want to hear another _fuck_ \- another fact?"

"What," Pete gasped, hips hitching against Mikey's.

" _Fuck_ ," Mikey said, because he didn't have any words left when Pete Wentz was rubbing off on him, let alone the brain capacity for facts.

Pete's breath caught on a moan and Mikey scrabbled for his fly, undid the buttons and zipper with less difficulty than expected and closed his fingers around Pete's hard length.  Pete's hips jerked up roughly and his ankles crossed and trapped Mikey against his body. Jesus Christ, did he have to be so _slutty_ , because it was unfairly hot and Mikey probably could get off from the feel of Pete's cock twitching in his hand. He nosed up behind Pete's ear and nipped at his jaw, leaving the discoloured beginning of a bruise.

" _God_ , fuck," Pete choked out, voice rising an octave as he shuddered. "I'm- yeah, _Mikey_ , shit-"

Mikey's hand sped up and he flicked his thumb over the slit one last time and then Pete was coming on his school shirt and Mikey's hand with a loud whine. It was messy and hot in the best kind of way and Pete was panting against his neck, trying to regain his breath.

Mikey held his breath as their gazes locked on each other. The ankles keeping him trapped loosened slightly, but Mikey didn't make any attempt to move away. He ran a finger up Pete's spent dick and tried not to smile at the shudder it got him.

"Italian men used to scrub at the crotches of their newly bought pants to make the material thinner," Mikey said.

"Shut the fuck up, Mikeyway," Pete replied as he tugged Mikey forward by his belt loops.

###

-[1] New Ask-

_Clandestine_ Asked _mfuckingw4y_ :  
did you know...i really like you.

_mfuckingw4y_ Replied:  
i really like you too you idiot  
what a terrible fact  
xxxmway


End file.
